Overcoming funk, little miracles, and pivotal moments

I want you all to know that I have overcome the funk that inundated me this past week. Yes, I have overcome! I spontaneously started crying in art class one day and I felt empty other days, but now I know why. It is because I was worrying about the newly forming expectations around me. Since everyone sees me succeeding (my teachers telling me that I am excelling in my classes, my family telling me that I have adapted beautifully) I began to fear that I would let them down. But now I´ve come full circle and reqalized that I am doing this studying, singing, and art for me. I am doing it so that I can know Spain and open my mind. I am doing it so that I can learn Spanish and the art of relaxation. I am letting go of any fear of failure, because as I concentrate on my goals and what I love and enjoy, all else flows from there. Perhaps I will not finish every little bit of homework for this next week, but all the homework that I do will be fun! I will revel in reading La Casa de Bernarda Alba by García Lorca, I will let Spanish history embelish my understanding of Spanish culture, and I will learn those English tenses so that I can score well on my english test (this may sound paradoxical since English is my first language, but I actually have to study for my English class! Who knew?!)

Whew! Now that I got that off my chest I can share with you the beautiful moments that glittered my week.

English class on Thursday was a miracle! A friend of mine -Paz- walked right in and started teaching the class! The teacher turned around, smiled, and sat down beside me in the front row to watch! It all unrolled after that: Paz moved the chalk across the board, immitating gestures of the teacher and captivating the attention and amuzement of every person in the room. I hardly dare breathe for fear of breaking the spell that seems to be cast over this room: a group of students actively engaged in class, paying attention to a fellow pupil who spontaneously decided to play teacher. And let me tell you, playing is the best way to learn! Everyone was actively engaged correcting Paz´s spelling on the chalkboard, throwing out phrases in 2nd and 3rd condition, and coming out of their shells. I felt like I was in one of those inspirational teacher movies. I ended up teaching the second half of class when Paz got tired. I asked them what they wanted to know about America, and they said everything! Paz wanted to learn a colloquial phrase, so I wrote on the board, "If I say wazzup, then you will say not much." Then we conjugated it: "If I said wazzup, then you would say not much." -second conditional. "If I had said wazzup, then you would have said not much," -third conditional! They, of course, corrected my grammar, because who really knows the difference between the three conditionals! I´m learning with them! After class, I asked the teacher if a student had ever taught the class before. She said no. :-)

Monday was Father´s Day here in Spain. So, Dear Dad: Happy Belated Fathers´ Day! (Fathers´ day in America is teh 17th of June -the same day that you, Dad, will come to Spain to see me for the first time in months! :-) ) Since it was fathers´day, we didn´t have school! So I, of course, went climbing!

The highlight of monday´s climbing was my final triumph: a 7a+ (5.12a/b) in pieces. Beautiful route. The upper half (my favorite part) was a shallow hollow that reminded me of the space left after someone delicately scoops up a taste of icecream. The route is beyond words. On Saturday I climbed a 7a+ and a 7b (5.12a/b and 5.12 b/c). :-) I climbed them in pieces (many, many pieces!) but I know I can climb them so much better next time! Better than my growing confidence in outdoor climbing is the people I meet. There are so many wonderful people in the world! Granted, it doesn´t hurt that a lot of them happen to be hot, young Spanish men with toned bodies! jk. A lot of them are good looking, but what I really enjoy is their conversation (which tends to lean toward conversation about Yosemite! All of them want to see ut!) and their encouragement. Everyone has so much energy to help everybody else get up the mountain!

I´ve also hung out with a couple new guy friends on the weekends. I got into a good conversation over world politics and health with one friend. I was amazed when he got very emotional over September 11th. The whole world united over this tragedy. In addition to the human compasion that follows such a huge loss, the location compounded that loss. New York is more than just a city; it is a place that people around the world feel they belong to, like a second home. The movies give them so much familiarity that they cry and laugh in unison with NYC. They feel they know it and they all want to see it. (Everyone I have asked has said they want to see New York, Florida, and California.) Hollywood gives America immeasurable power over this world. We depict facets of our lives and broadcast them around the world time and again and this has real effects. The world feels they know America, even if they disagree with our politics and/or our lifestyle (ie. Bush, the war in Iraq, our eating habits, our careless use of energy and resources, etc.) On the other hand, they are fascinated by how big and spacious everything is in America (ie. our cars, our houses, our country itself!...)

Well, the topics that I have just brushed over merit much more attention and explanaton. Another day.

I love you all! Wish me luck with my singing and let me know your thoughts!

Besos,

Jocelyn